Guest Post: Top 5 scariest episodes from Red Dwarf

Regular readers will know I'm a big fan of Mrs Gold, who blogs about horror and scifi (among other things). Seriously, read her post on Twilight, it'll make you laugh out loud. So I was delighted when, after a bit of pleading, she agreed to do a Guest Blog for me. So without further ado, here's Mrs Gold on classic Brit sci-fi series Red Dwarf.

You were nobody in the nineties unless you watched Red Dwarf. The sci-fi comedy ran for eight series between 1988 and 1999 and is one of the many reasons that sci-fi fans have to be grateful to our illustrious BBC. Red Dwarf not only introduced the words smeg, smeghead, gimboid and goit to our vocabulary but also gave us some of the funniest and arguably profound sci-fi storylines ever.

The series covers the misadventures of a motley crew marooned upon a mining vessel in deep space, empty of all other life thanks to a radiation leak. There’s Lister, a dreadlocked, Liverpudlian bum and the only human on board; Rimmer, a hologram projection of a deceased crew mate, and all-round git; the Cat, a  vain, humanoid creature evolved from Lister’s smuggled pet cat who seems to channel both Prince and James Brown; and Kryton: android, loyal servant and general dogsbody.

Filming for the tenth series has just ended and the new series will be broadcast later this year, so it’s the perfect time to rediscover the boys from the Dwarf. Being a horror fan, what always appealed to me about the show was that it could be really scary. So, here are my top five scary episodes of Red Dwarf:

5: Justice from series 4

The boys pick up an escape pod from a prison ship which either contains the beautiful Barbara Bellini or a psychotic mass murdering simulant. It’s not hard to guess which it is, but before that the crew enjoy some time in “The Justice Zone”, a world where it is impossible to commit any crime as your actions are turned on yourself. The innocent have nothing to fear but unfortunately Rimmer is sentenced for the mass second degree murder of the crew of the Red Dwarf. The final, brilliantly scary scenes are played out as the crew try to escape from “Barbara”, a kind of cross between something from Mad Max and the Terminator in the depths of the Justice Zone.

Justice

Best line: HOLLY: ... all you have to do is hang around here for twenty four hours, then, if you turn around and find your limbs are scattered around Deep Space and your neck’s full of saliva, you can take it as read it probably wasn’t Babs.

4: Polymorph from series 3

A Polymorph, a shape changing genetic mutation that leeches negative emotions from its victims, finds its way on board the ship. The creature can become any object but its true form is a truly BBC budget busting alien that even Ridley Scott would not kick off set. Cue hilarity as the team are attacked one by one, Lister losing his fear, the Cat, his vanity, Rimmer, his anger and Kryton, his guilt.

Best lines: RIMMER: You mean like last time, when you got us all worked up...and it turned out to be one of Lister’s socks?

HOLLY: I didn’t recognise the genetic structure. Biologically speaking they were a completely new life form.

RIMMER: Absolutely ridiculous. I felt a total goit.

 

3: Demons and Angels from series 5

Series 5 is perhaps the best series of Red Dwarf, so it’s no surprise that my top three scariest episodes all come from this series. Starting off with Angels and Demons, which sees the guys facing copies of themselves that embody all that is best and worst about them as people, thanks to a backfiring triplicating machine. The face-off with their “evil selves” is made by Chris Barrie’s performance as “evil Rimmer”, a suspender-wearing punk nympho with designs on Lister. Brilliant.

Best line: THE CAT: Buddy, there is no way you’re a part of me. No part of me would ever be seen alive in sandals!

 

 

2: Terrorform from series 5

The crew crash land on a psi-moon, a planet that can tune into an individual’s psyche and shape its landscape accordingly. So, terrifyingly, they find themselves running around Rimmer’s subconscious, a world inhabited by hooded, red eyed ghouls, the swamp of despair and a graveyard housing Rimmer’s self-respect, generosity and charm. Rimmer is swept away in an almost “Wicker Man” style sacrifice to the beast that is his self -loathing before the guys rescue him by convincing him that he is a worthwhile human being.

Best line: RIMMER:  Why are you all looking at me like that? Like as if this is all my fault? Have you any idea what kind of day I’ve had. I’ve been kidnapped, stripped, oiled, menaced, manacled, licked, nibbled, chained, tortured, humiliated and nearly had a nobbly thing the size and shape of a Mexican agave cactus jammed up where only customs men dare to probe.

1: Quarantine from series 5

And at number one is the episode that actually gave me nightmares. The boys encounter the utterly terrifying Dr Lanstrom, a hologram who accidentally contracted a virus that has turned her into a deranged and murderous psychotic with laser vision. Unfortunately, although Lanstrom dies from the virus before she can do serious damage, the virus is passed to Rimmer who locks the three in quarantine and begins to display some seriously disturbing behaviour. The result is a truly chilling performance from Chris Barrie in a gingham milkmaid’s outfit complete with plaits and a penguin sock puppet known as Mr Flibble. *shudder*

Best line: RIMMER: Mr Flibble’s very cross. You shouldn’t have run away from him. What are we going to do with them, Mr Flibble?